The Ones who Never Return

 Another Reason I Hate Modern Country Music...

It's no secret that I can't stand the stuff that passes for country and western music music nowadays.

But it's not for the reasons you might think.

I'm not upset when country artists borrow elements from the rock and soul genres, or even rap and hip-hop, if it helps them tell their stories.  (Full disclosure:  I've never heard a country song using rap that was really effective in getting its message across;  it always sounds like they could have done it better using a more traditional format.  For one thing, their rhymes are weak!)

I don't bat an eye at rockers who "go country" or country artists who cross over to rock or pop.  There have been crossover artists since rock and country first became identifiable genres.  Glen Campbell, Anne Murray, and Kenny Rogers were equally lauded on both country and pop radio;  more recently, Cheryl Crow, Darius Rucker (Hootie and the Blowfish), and Shania Twain have successfully crossed over from rock to country and vice-versa.  The blend of Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus produced a really weird sorta-country, sorta hip-hop hit with "Old Town Road."  (Further disclosure:  I still think Lil Nas X got shafted by Billboard!)

Nope.  What really puts hay down my tank top is the subject matter.

In particular, the whole superiority thing.  As in, the home town or the farm is so wonderful and perfect, and the city sucks.  Jason Aldean's tone-deaf "Try That in a Small Town" is just the most extreme example;  there are plenty of others, like the one about the good ol' boy who went away for a while, but oh, he's back now and he's never, ever gonna leave!  Or how about the guy making fun of his ex's new boyfriend, who doesn't drive a truck, hunt, or fish, and who probably can't even change a flat tire on that hybrid?  (The song doesn't say he's a city slicker, but how many hints do we need?)

But worst of all is the trope about the girl who leaves the small town or farm to go to college or work in the big city, but finds that something's missing, so she comes back...and lo and behold, she finds that the blue-collar boy she left behind is all she really needs to make her life complete!  (These songs are always performed by men.)

I call "bullshit."

I am one of a pretty big group of both men and women who came from small towns or farms, and we could not wait to get free.  And we are never, ever, ever going back.

Why?  Well, when you are different - any kind of different - you aren't really accepted as a member of a small-town community;  there's very much of a herd mentality at work.  That's bad enough if you're an adult, but it's hell when you're a kid.  Smart kids, gay/trans kids, neurodivergent kids...they're going to have problems in a small-town or rural area, because most of the residents don't have the mental tools or experience to know how to accept those kids for who they are.  The good news is that if the kids get a chance to see what life is like in the outside world, they'll become less likely to suffocate in their given toxic environment.  They'll be looking for a chance to escape.  And when they do, they will have their own story to tell about that so-called "paradise" known to modern country as a small town!

Just once, I would like to hear a country song about one of the ones who never returned.

In fact, why don't I write one?

Maybe I'm a Mondegreen

I know, it's true

I just don't fit in

But it's not me, it's my situation

This is a monolinguistic town

And I got lost in translation

Or maybe I'm a mondegreen

A lost lyric that they don't understand

Try to sing it, but it comes out wrong

A faux ami in a foreign language

Sui generis 

A tribe of one

Always at war with all the rest

I just can't help that I'm not their kind--

It's time to leave this cuckoo's nest

Yeah, maybe I'm a mondegreen

A strange phrase they just can't believe they heard

But it's a wider world out there

And somewhere

There's a song that needs my words...

Okay, maybe more Natalie Merchant than Tanya Tucker...but think it over.  And if you are a small-towner yourself, maybe you can look at those "mondegreens" with more compassionate eyes.