Having written about my first clash with the anti-rock forces in the Christian church (and by this, I mean all the denominations represented in my town), I now proceed to how the war between the two began. And guess what? It all started with...racism.
You see, rock was derived from the blues and jazz, which were primarily black musical forms. (When white people appropriated jazz, it turned into Big Band music. Whether that was better or not depends on whether you prefer Glenn Miller or Count Basie.) There was some "cowboy music" (country) mixed in, as well as gospel...but for the most part, the establishment considered it "race music," and it worried them.
(The irony here is that their parents worried about the music young people listened to when it was just jazz, country, and blues...and I bet the Stephen Foster generation worried about ragtime! Honestly...nothing new under the sun here!)
The main worry, as far as I have been able to tell, is that the first real rock and roll was performed by black musicians, and the white kids were listening to it and enjoying it. But if black kids also liked it, why, there might be one of these performances attended by both races! And they might get all het up and start dancing! Together! And before you know it, you'd have the races getting mixed up--hanging out together, dating, even marrying! The God-given idea of white supremacy would be destroyed! Alas and alack, civilization would be doomed!!!
All right, perhaps not all the adults had that attitude. But many did, and those people went out of their way to throw as much mud on this new form of music as possible. Race music, they called it. Jungle rhythms, demon beat, savage, uncouth, uncivilized...anything to discredit it. Failing that, white artists were brought in to re-record some of those first rock records, to at least keep the races apart...but what that did was make young people ask questions. Like, why is it bad for black and white people to hang out together? Why is this music so bad, if all it's saying is have fun, dance, and love your girlfriend or boyfriend? Oh, and by the way, why are we fighting in these far-away places with strange-sounding names? The lack of satisfactory answers brought us the hippie movement, and music that was even more rebellious than the original songs. And that brought on some truly weird backlash...
But that's another chapter.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
The 10 Best (And Worst) Christmas Song Worms
It's all over.
The commercial Christmas season, I mean. That means the ubiquitous Christmas music is gone, too. Hey, have you noticed that no matter how early a store starts up its Christmas playlist, it disappears on December 26th? Just something to make you go "hmmm..."
As I said, it takes me til at least Epiphany to recover from it all; but now that I have, I'd like to share my best and worst of the music that assaulted my ears from Black Friday through Christmas Eve. (My company is closed Christmas Day. And New Year's Day. Yay us!)
Sooo...First: The 10 Worst! (in no particular order)
10) Baby It's Cold Outside - Not for the reason you think. In fact, I had only recently noticed that line about "what's in this drink?" But all along I'd been bothered by the lack of chivalry in the song. The girl wants to go home, so why doesn't the man escort her? He could go ahead of her and break a path, right? And it certainly would give him some "nice man" points with her family. But then, I guess he's not a nice man, is he?
9) Santa Baby - Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!! The version by Eartha Kitt was kind of nice, kind of naughty, kind of "eeewwww"...at least to me, since it sort of sounded like Eartha wanted a little something else from Santa besides all those expensive gifts. But at least it was tolerable. But, the version our store got was the one by Taylor Swift. If you hear that three or four times a day, I guarantee you will be ready to bash in your company's sound system with a sledge hammer. I mitigated that desire by going home and listening to track 2 of Peter Gabriel's "So" instead.
8) Merry Christmas From The Family - I was raised among rednecks, but I definitely wasn't one. This song hit a little too close to celebrations I have attended in the past. Sorry, no desire to go back to that--that's why it's the past.
7) Hairy Christmas - I was tired of Duck Dynasty long before this song came out, for much the same reason as above. Did we really need a Christmas song by these guys? If so, why not a rendition of a popular carol, like "Joy To The World" or "The First Noel?" They're supposed to be these upstanding Christians, right? Instead, it's all about overdecorating, needless expenses (renting a camel all the way from Texas???), overeating...bleah, I can just shop at the mall if I want all that.
6) The Little Drummer Boy - Okay, I get it. Little boy has nothing but his talent to give to Baby Jesus, and what he gives is acceptable. Great message. But...it's a terrible song!!! Especially when it's done in country-music fashion. The Harry Simeone Chorale version was at least sung by children, so it sounded authentic; but still. Boring to listen to again, and again, and again....
5) Blue Christmas - Yes, even Elvis's version. As if the season weren't hard enough on folks who have lost loved ones or who have no loved ones at all. This song should be registered as a dangerous incentive to commit suicide...or banned altogether.
4) I'll Be Home For Christmas - Because the singer lies to us! At the beginning, he promises to be home for Christmas, but at the end he says "if only in my dreams." That's a nasty bait and switch, if you ask me.
3) The Twelve Days Of Christmas - This song is for singing, not for listening. 'Nuff said.
2) O Holy Night - This is a hard song to sing, and hardly anyone gets it right. And Mariah Carey can open every garage door in the neighborhood if you play her version! I can only handle that once per season, okay?
1) Any Christmas Song Performed By Michael Buble - Nice voice, but the Christmas stuff is so overplayed....
And Now, The Best! (Whew!)
10) Christmas Wrapping - This song by the Waitresses came out in 1981, and the only thing dated about it is the year mentioned. It's fun, it's clever, it has a happy ending, and you can even dance to it! More than a novelty song--it's more like a 5-minute rom-com.
9) Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - The Springsteen version, of course. The fun he has bantering with his audience and his band mates, plus the neat twist he puts on that chorus...talk about breathing new life into an old song! Other artists have started performing the song in that style, but accept no substitutes--the Boss's version rocks!
8) This Christmas - A lovely, jazzy number by Donny Hathaway that I discovered in the 80's. So far I've never heard a bad version of it; even country artists have treated it with respect.
7) Santa Claus And His Old Lady - Cheech and Chong still make me laugh with this one, but I doubt Rankin-Bass would approve of the urban-core vibe or the drug references.
6) Green Chri$tma$ - This was a sort of mini-musical sketch by Stan Freberg (who also famously lampooned "Dragnet," "Heartbreak Hotel" (he hated rock and roll), and the Mitch Miller version of "The Yellow Rose Of Texas"). In it, Scrooge is the director of a big ad firm, and Bob Cratchett is a company president questioning the constant Christmas tie-ins on everything from cigarettes to soda (yeah, you know which one), to beer and...toupees? It's so funny you don't realize it's making you think.
5) Mele Kalikimaka - Man, who doesn't like this take on Christmas? Especially when sung by Bing and the Andrews Sisters? And if you're tired of ice and snow by now, it's a great daydream to have. By the way, if you look closely, "mele kalikimaka" is just the Hawaiian phonetic pronunciation of "merry Christmas."
4) It's So Chic To Be Pregnant At Christmas - Nancy White wrote this song from her real-life experience. Any woman who has been pregnant will appreciate the subject matter; the rest of us will laugh in sympathy and (hopefully) have better manners and respect for the next pregnant lady we meet!
3) Until Santa's Gone (Milk And Cookies) - Clint Black won me over with this one about a little kid at Christmas who makes sure to leave the traditional snack out for Santa. It's so authentic you want to hug that kid, whoever he might be.
2) O Come, O Come Emmanuel - Ha, bet you thought I didn't have any traditional ones on this list! This one's my all-time favorite carol. It's derived from an old Gregorian chant, so it actually sounds better without music. It made me smile to hear it, the few times the system played it. The more popular carols like "Silent Night" and "O Come All Ye Faithful" got way more airplay...
1) Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 - Otherwise known as the heavy-metal rendition of "Carol Of The Bells." The Trans-Siberian Orchestra is awesome, but if you want to hear this song in context, listen to the Savatage album "Dead Winter Dead," which is about the Bosnian War and its effects on two particular opposing fighters. Since I did that, I've never heard the TSO version without thinking of that old cellist. (You'll get it once you hear the Savatage album.)
Well, there you have it. Now you'll have to clean the song worms out of your ears again, but once you've done that, have a lovely rest of the winter!
The commercial Christmas season, I mean. That means the ubiquitous Christmas music is gone, too. Hey, have you noticed that no matter how early a store starts up its Christmas playlist, it disappears on December 26th? Just something to make you go "hmmm..."
As I said, it takes me til at least Epiphany to recover from it all; but now that I have, I'd like to share my best and worst of the music that assaulted my ears from Black Friday through Christmas Eve. (My company is closed Christmas Day. And New Year's Day. Yay us!)
Sooo...First: The 10 Worst! (in no particular order)
10) Baby It's Cold Outside - Not for the reason you think. In fact, I had only recently noticed that line about "what's in this drink?" But all along I'd been bothered by the lack of chivalry in the song. The girl wants to go home, so why doesn't the man escort her? He could go ahead of her and break a path, right? And it certainly would give him some "nice man" points with her family. But then, I guess he's not a nice man, is he?
9) Santa Baby - Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!! The version by Eartha Kitt was kind of nice, kind of naughty, kind of "eeewwww"...at least to me, since it sort of sounded like Eartha wanted a little something else from Santa besides all those expensive gifts. But at least it was tolerable. But, the version our store got was the one by Taylor Swift. If you hear that three or four times a day, I guarantee you will be ready to bash in your company's sound system with a sledge hammer. I mitigated that desire by going home and listening to track 2 of Peter Gabriel's "So" instead.
8) Merry Christmas From The Family - I was raised among rednecks, but I definitely wasn't one. This song hit a little too close to celebrations I have attended in the past. Sorry, no desire to go back to that--that's why it's the past.
7) Hairy Christmas - I was tired of Duck Dynasty long before this song came out, for much the same reason as above. Did we really need a Christmas song by these guys? If so, why not a rendition of a popular carol, like "Joy To The World" or "The First Noel?" They're supposed to be these upstanding Christians, right? Instead, it's all about overdecorating, needless expenses (renting a camel all the way from Texas???), overeating...bleah, I can just shop at the mall if I want all that.
6) The Little Drummer Boy - Okay, I get it. Little boy has nothing but his talent to give to Baby Jesus, and what he gives is acceptable. Great message. But...it's a terrible song!!! Especially when it's done in country-music fashion. The Harry Simeone Chorale version was at least sung by children, so it sounded authentic; but still. Boring to listen to again, and again, and again....
5) Blue Christmas - Yes, even Elvis's version. As if the season weren't hard enough on folks who have lost loved ones or who have no loved ones at all. This song should be registered as a dangerous incentive to commit suicide...or banned altogether.
4) I'll Be Home For Christmas - Because the singer lies to us! At the beginning, he promises to be home for Christmas, but at the end he says "if only in my dreams." That's a nasty bait and switch, if you ask me.
3) The Twelve Days Of Christmas - This song is for singing, not for listening. 'Nuff said.
2) O Holy Night - This is a hard song to sing, and hardly anyone gets it right. And Mariah Carey can open every garage door in the neighborhood if you play her version! I can only handle that once per season, okay?
1) Any Christmas Song Performed By Michael Buble - Nice voice, but the Christmas stuff is so overplayed....
And Now, The Best! (Whew!)
10) Christmas Wrapping - This song by the Waitresses came out in 1981, and the only thing dated about it is the year mentioned. It's fun, it's clever, it has a happy ending, and you can even dance to it! More than a novelty song--it's more like a 5-minute rom-com.
9) Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - The Springsteen version, of course. The fun he has bantering with his audience and his band mates, plus the neat twist he puts on that chorus...talk about breathing new life into an old song! Other artists have started performing the song in that style, but accept no substitutes--the Boss's version rocks!
8) This Christmas - A lovely, jazzy number by Donny Hathaway that I discovered in the 80's. So far I've never heard a bad version of it; even country artists have treated it with respect.
7) Santa Claus And His Old Lady - Cheech and Chong still make me laugh with this one, but I doubt Rankin-Bass would approve of the urban-core vibe or the drug references.
6) Green Chri$tma$ - This was a sort of mini-musical sketch by Stan Freberg (who also famously lampooned "Dragnet," "Heartbreak Hotel" (he hated rock and roll), and the Mitch Miller version of "The Yellow Rose Of Texas"). In it, Scrooge is the director of a big ad firm, and Bob Cratchett is a company president questioning the constant Christmas tie-ins on everything from cigarettes to soda (yeah, you know which one), to beer and...toupees? It's so funny you don't realize it's making you think.
5) Mele Kalikimaka - Man, who doesn't like this take on Christmas? Especially when sung by Bing and the Andrews Sisters? And if you're tired of ice and snow by now, it's a great daydream to have. By the way, if you look closely, "mele kalikimaka" is just the Hawaiian phonetic pronunciation of "merry Christmas."
4) It's So Chic To Be Pregnant At Christmas - Nancy White wrote this song from her real-life experience. Any woman who has been pregnant will appreciate the subject matter; the rest of us will laugh in sympathy and (hopefully) have better manners and respect for the next pregnant lady we meet!
3) Until Santa's Gone (Milk And Cookies) - Clint Black won me over with this one about a little kid at Christmas who makes sure to leave the traditional snack out for Santa. It's so authentic you want to hug that kid, whoever he might be.
2) O Come, O Come Emmanuel - Ha, bet you thought I didn't have any traditional ones on this list! This one's my all-time favorite carol. It's derived from an old Gregorian chant, so it actually sounds better without music. It made me smile to hear it, the few times the system played it. The more popular carols like "Silent Night" and "O Come All Ye Faithful" got way more airplay...
1) Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 - Otherwise known as the heavy-metal rendition of "Carol Of The Bells." The Trans-Siberian Orchestra is awesome, but if you want to hear this song in context, listen to the Savatage album "Dead Winter Dead," which is about the Bosnian War and its effects on two particular opposing fighters. Since I did that, I've never heard the TSO version without thinking of that old cellist. (You'll get it once you hear the Savatage album.)
Well, there you have it. Now you'll have to clean the song worms out of your ears again, but once you've done that, have a lovely rest of the winter!
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